REDWOOD, CA -- June 17th, 2051
ELECTRONIC ARTS STUDIOS [EA] announced today that the world has ended. After finalizing exclusive rights several years ago to all nouns, knowledge and ideas - future, past and even that which comes from retards - EA effectively cornered the gaming market. Living up to their Mission Statement, "Fuck the customers, where's my money, bitch," they managed to slowly but surely kill the video gaming market altogether. As people stopped playing games and moved to Amish communities where they could jack it and fuck sheep, EA began to further expand their dominance over the world markets by buying the NYSE and the Government of the United States of America. This completed their portfolio of world governments and stock exchanges that began in 2009 when they bought all of China. That initial purchase helped them in their hostile takeovers of Blizzard, NCSoft and Sony, by giving them exclusive rights to all of the major gold farming centers. Their power snowballed from that point on until they made their latest aquisition, effectively giving them the rights to everything. In one final move, EA Executives landed a thermonuclear bomb at their Lunar studios (EA MOON) in celebration of their latest title SIM:Life (TM). This detonation caused a cataclysmic chain reaction resulting in the total destruction of the Earth and several neighboring planets. EA released a Community Update advising anyone who had paid for SIM:Life, and could prove it with the proper DNA and with the Flash Card in their drive at all times, to visit the customer service website inorder to request support. As of press time, EA's Customer support site is still down.